


The Dawson Method

by sawfilms



Category: Blue Bloods (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Coping, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I just really wanted to write this, danny blames himself, dawson understands kinda, implied suicidal thoughts, self blame, so I wanted to explore that a little, spoilers for season 8/season 9, there isnt a lot of info on dawson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 22:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20217475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawfilms/pseuds/sawfilms
Summary: The death of Linda Reagan sent everyone into a spiral, but when certain things come to light, Danny can think of only one person to go to in his time of turmoil.





	The Dawson Method

_ “It wasn’t an accident.” _

The door flying open and heavy footfalls alerts Dr. Alex Dawson to Daniel Reagan’s whirlwind presence, and before he can begin with his usual greeting, Dawson was stopped dead in his tracks by the detective’s words, blinking up at the distraught detective a few times as the aforementioned man sways a bit in front of his desk. He’s drunk, he’s _ very _drunk, and from what Danny had just said, Dawson couldn’t blame him a bit. Dull hazel eyes seem to stare past the psychiatrist’s desk to some invisible point behind him, but he doesn’t bother turning, simply standing up and moving to help Danny to the chair.

Danny grunts, jerking his arm away and mumbling something about being able to do it himself, and he collapses in the chair with a heavy sigh that makes the psychiatrist’s heart sink. Linda’s death had been hard on the entire Reagan family, he’d spoken to Jaime and Frank in the past about it, but no one took it harder and more personal than Danny. So, Dawson sits and laces his fingers together in front of him, doesn’t say a word, and simply waits for Danny to find his voice.

Danny seemed to sink into the plush chair, slouching and staring at his lap with a look that Dawson can only really describe as pure exhaustion - a look he hadn’t seen since Danny had come to him during the Wilder case, livid and ranting and raving until he finally sat down, head in his hands and a soft voice rising from the silence that said _ he came after my family _, and that’s all the psychiatrist needed to know.

The heavy feeling that had settled across the small office only persisted as Danny spoke, his voice wavering slightly as he does.

“The crash… _ The crash wasn’t an accident_,” he repeats, Dawson feeling his stomach drop. It was something he had feared, in the back of his mind, but never had brought up the possibility to Danny considering the other man’s emotional state at the time of Linda’s death. He won’t ask how Danny knows this, won’t say a word, letting Danny speak for himself. “Some.. Some nutso _ psychic _ said somethin’.. Somethin’ about it a while back, an’ I tried not to think anything of it.” Danny snorts, but there’s no humor in it. “ _ Christ.._” he mumbles, scrubbing a tired hand across his face before he continues.

“We got a lead on the drug cartel that burned down our house,” he breathes out, as if saying this was causing him pain, “and our guy, _ Delgado _.. He said that- that the crash was a h-” Danny’s voice cracks and breaks and he stops speaking, Dawson watching the detective carefully. When Danny doesn’t continue, Dawson takes that moment to say his piece.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he starts, and Danny barks out a broken laugh that makes Dawson cringe internally, but he keeps going. “It _ wasn’t _ your fault.” Danny’s hand clenches into a fist, but he doesn’t say anything. Dawson sees this as permission to continue. “You couldn’t have known that these people would come after you the way they did, you can’t see the future.” This seems to set Danny off, the other man slamming his fist against the arm of the chair and standing up faster than Dawson can blink, beginning to pace back and forth. It’s something Danny does that Dawson was familiar enough with - enough for the psychiatrist to joke about the detective wearing a spot into his carpet from all the pacing he did. But he doesn’t joke, or even speak this time. He watches Danny pace back and forth - back and forth, until he has to speak again.

“Danny, listen to me,” he says, watching as Danny shakes his head and continues pacing. “There was _ no way _ for you to have known that this would happen. Linda went out and did her job just like you do every single day, she put her life on the line for others _ just like you do, _and she carried the fear of you not coming home one day just like you did with her.” Danny had started shaking, rage building up and bubbling just underneath the skin every second that Dawson spoke, but the psychiatrist continued - he wasn’t unfamiliar with Danny’s temper, and he wasn’t scared either.

“You could have put her in _ witness protection_, taken Jack and Sean out of school and sent them to rural Ohio with new names and new lives, and that cartel still would have found them because that’s what these people _ do _, Danny.” Danny stops pacing and stares at the floor once Dawson finishes, he’s quiet long enough for the psychiatrist to think that he was going to walk out without another word, but the silence was broken when Danny’s quiet voice speaks up.

“_I should have been the one that died in that crash._”

And there it was. Dawson felt himself relax immediately the moment Danny spoke his truth, and he stood slowly, walking over to the broken man and gripping his shoulders tightly once he reaches the other, trying to meet Danny’s eyes. Danny looks up after a long moment, and what Dawson sees is a man who had lost his entire world in one second, and then had what he tried to build back up destroyed right before his very eyes. All Dawson can do is guide the other back to the chair and sit him down, kneeling in front of him and holding the other man’s gaze as he speaks.

“And yet, you weren’t,” he says softly, eyebrows raising a little. “And that’s why you need to keep going. Jack and Sean aren’t going to raise themselves, Danny. They need their father.” Danny huffs, eyes closing, a tear slipping down his cheek. “No, Danny, _ listen _ to me,” Danny’s eyes open again and he stares at Dawson as the psychiatrist speaks. “Wishing that it were you in that crash and not Linda is not going to help Jack and Sean, because if it _ had _ been you and not Linda, they would still be in the exact same position they’re in now, except instead of losing their mother, they’d lose their _ father _.”

Danny’s lips quirk into a humorless smile and he shakes his head a little. “You say that like you have experience, Doc,” he says, and Dawson can’t help but smile back.

“Maybe you and I aren’t as different as you think we are, detective,” Dawson says in response, and Danny goes quiet. Dawson pats Danny’s knee before he stands up and walks back to his desk. “I’m going to get you a water so you can sober up, and then we’ll keep talking. How does that sound?” Danny mumbles a little and looks away, frowning in thought as Dawson bustles around, grabbing a bottle of water from a small cooler near his desk.

“How’d you do it?” Danny asks after a moment, making Dawson raise an eyebrow as he hands Danny the bottle of water.

“Do what? Cope?” Danny only hums, opening the water and drinking about half of the bottle before he stops. “Well,” Dawson starts, going back to his desk and sitting down, thinking about it for a moment. “For a while I was angry. I drank and I cursed out every higher power that I thought was listening. Sound familiar?” Danny snorts and nods his head a little. Dawson smiles at this and continues. “Then, I started wondering... wondering about if our positions had been reversed.” Danny looks up at this, watching Dawson in surprise. “If _ I _had been the one that died instead of her.”

He’s quiet for a moment, looking at a framed photo of a woman for a moment before he speaks again. “I realized that I needed help the moment I considered walking in front of a train in order to bring her back.” The room was silent, Danny staring at the psychiatrist for a long moment as Dawson pulls out some papers and starts to jot something down, as if what he said wasn’t as earth shattering as Danny thought it to be. Dawson lets the silence drag on, Danny shifting in the chair uncomfortably before he looks away, and then Dawson speaks again.

“What happened to Linda was a horrible, _horrible _tragedy, Danny,” he starts, making Danny look up once more. “It should never have happened, but it did, and you can’t change that by wishing for yourself to take her place. Nothing will change that, but what you _can_ do is what she’d want you to do the most.”

“Yeah?” Danny says, frowning a little. “What would that be, Doc?”

Dawson pauses, sets his pen down, and looks up, smiling at Danny kindly as he speaks.

“Live.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing anything blue bloods related, so feel free to leave a comment on what you thought! i'm very emotional about this show if you couldn't tell


End file.
